I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. “What is a blog,” is something you’ll literally find in my google search engine history. But I have a testimony to share and I feel so convicted to share this to help anyone on this same road and those who will go down this road in the future. My goal is to give God all the glory in this testament.
I have been completely broken this past year…really the last 5-6 months. Completely broken and God, with his love, is putting me back together. Have you ever wanted to see signs from God? Have you ever wanted to truly see His handiwork, His faithfulness, and His glory so blatantly in front of your face? Where His work is so obvious that you CAN’T ignore it or deem it as a sign of coincidence? I can say that I have seen God work in this way. I can’t ignore His power, His mercy, His grace, or His faithfulness. He is oh so faithful.
There was one thing I was for sure of after we lost our baby in September of this past year. This traumatic, unwanted event in my life was either going to make me or break me. It truly could have gone either way, but I refused…flat out refused, to let it break me. Unaware of just how hard this road was about to be, I did know I had to do everything I could to put my faith in Christ. This was going to take effort, this was going to take time, and most importantly it was going to take prayer. Another thing that I became for sure of while I am on this road is that God’s glory will be greater than any suffering I go through. I truly came to believe this, but I have to be on God’s path to be able to see His glory unfold.
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
In October, a few weeks after our loss, I decided to start writing my prayers down. I created a prayer wall and decided I would hang my prayers on that wall to make sure I was staying active in my prayer life. Every day, I wake up, go into my (would have been) baby room, sit in my (would have been) baby rocker, and I read, write, and pray. Hard. When I started this wall it was meant for accountability for myself. Months later it has turned to visually being able to see the presence of God and His mercy. The posts to come will be a compilation of past events along with past prayers that I have prayed to our heavenly Father. My hope is that this makes the way to every woman who feels alone, who feels tired, weak, crazy, confused, and overall…who has lost.